Saturday, April 17, 2010

Scorpion King Part TWO!

If you haven't heard the original Scorpion story, it goes something like this. . .Pat and I move to San Antonio so he can go to law school, I don't really like it there (the food was weird, but OH HOW I CRAVE IT NOW!), first night by ourselves after our family leaves, PAT GETS STUNG BY A TEENY TINY, SUPER SMALL, BABY SCORPION! It was the first interaction either of us have EVER had with a scorpion, so immediately I call my mom crying that I want to return to Phoenix and leave San Antonio in the dust! Pat reads on the Internet that baby scorpions hurt more because they can't control the venom released, of course we have to hear FOREVER about how much it hurt! (Would be so much better if I had blogged way back when, and I just could have linked it!)

ANYWAY, now almost seven years later, PAT gets stung again! Thursday night, I hear him yelling for me to come to the family room, about 9:30 PM. I go out there to see what all the noise is about, and he is standing still telling me to get him a shoe because he was just stung by a scorpion and needs to kill it! I go get him one of his large flip flops. He stands there telling me that isn't the "right" kind of shoe! OMG, kill the thing already! (TIP: I learned you are supposed to spray them with hairspray before hitting them because the mommy scorpions carry their babies on their back, and they can all scatter) So, he uses the flip flop to kill it. His leg is throbbing, OMG, worst pain ever, BLAH BLAH BLAH! I have heard it all before. And, inside I am laughing because I saw BOTH scorpions that stung him, and this one is HUGE, so I think, well, if the baby was sooooo bad, then this one surely won't hurt as much! WRONG! Scorpion Drama King ENTERS!

All of a sudden, the leg that wasn't stung is tingling, moves up into his arms, face, ears. THEN, suddenly his throat and ears itch. THEN suddenly his whole body is numb! OMG, do you see where this is headed? The throat and ears itching sounds like an allergy to me, so I give him some Children's Benadryl (adult dose), and he also takes some Motrin! I tell him to go to sleep. Of course he is FREAKING OUT, because he has scared himself to death reading WebMD, so he keeps waking me up to discuss it. Finally I look online, and the instructions I read say to call poison control with questions. THAT WOULD BE GENIUS instead of continuing to wake up your sleeping wife! The poison control people say that everything he is experiencing is NORMAL after a scorpion sting. I continue to laugh. He tells me he hopes I am never stung by a scorpion because I couldn't handle it. I tell him I have birthed two babies. He tells me this is "worse than the ear incident", which if I recall wasn't painful, just weird. Finally I go to sleep, and he stops waking me up, even though he claims he didn't sleep all night!

Next morning, RIDICULOUSLY funny, shuffling around like an 80 year old man, I send him off to work because I seriously cannot look at him anymore! He continues to text me throughout the day talking about his numbness, pain, ear and throat itching. I tell him to make a doctor's appointment, he calls poison control again. They AGAIN tell him that everything is normal. He takes some more allergy medicine ear and throat itching goes away-I AM A GENIUS(For the record: Poison Control said the Benadryl wouldn't do anything, but when it wore off the itching would come back, so I think it was working.)! I take him lunch, mainly so that I can see his condition and make fun of him for ETERNITY! He still looks like an 80 year old man. He comes home from work only to look pitiful until we retire for the evening.

When I asked him this morning how he was doing, apparently A LOT better, the tingling has apparently subsided, and for that I am grateful because Tiko's wedding is tonight, and I don't want to miss it!


Brad said...

LOL! Your sympathy is overwhelming!