Friday, November 20, 2009

And Now for a Sappy Moment!

I know that Pat and I have not been able to have kids for over a year now, but CORRECT THAT, Pat hasn't been able to have kids for over a year now, but I COULD! Not that I was planning on running off to have some kids with Justin Timberlake, but as of this coming Tuesday, I can't run off with Justin to have his babies. I know, I know-what are the chances, BUT a girl can dream!!!!!!! Right!??????

I DON'T want more kids, I can barely handle the two I have, and we are SOOOOOOOOOO BLESSED, so blessed, some people would love to have a boy and a girl, the boy first so that he can look out for his younger sister (some people think this way, I don't really care), and Jackson does that, he is GREAT, really!!!!! SOOOOOoooooooo, why do I seem sooooooooooo incredibly sad about this stage of my life coming to an end??? I really probably can't have more kids anyway, we tried, biggest blessing of my life was NOT getting pregnant. . .tried for a year, it was NOT meant to be!

BUT, I read all these blogs, see all these people getting pregnant, read about the people who CANNOT get pregnant, and it makes me wonder about what life with a third child would be like. I thought Jackson and Tyler were the most beautiful babies in the world (well, Tyler was kind of scary and scrawny, and I didn't really know what to do with her 7 pound 3 ounce self after all of Jackson's 9 pounds 9 ounces, but she "chubbed" up a little and got cute, now she's gorgeous, so really it all evens out in the end!), but I see other blogs, and really ALL babies look like my babies, so they are beautiful. It reminds me of all the FANTASTIC clothes, the smells, the first smile, step, tooth, etc. WHY DON'T THEY REMIND ME OF THE BAD? Being up all night, never sleeping, fighting with your husband because they don't know how to help (OMG, that still happens, does it ever stop!), the crying, the whining (still ongoing), not being able to eat real food, never leaving the house without fifteen changes of clothes, POTTY TRAINING, etc.

I may have just reminded myself of all the reasons why there is no baby 3, but it still breaks my heart, just a little, to think about never having a baby in the house again. It makes me smile a little though to think about the fact that the two little loves in my life, even with all their drama, illness, whining, crying, issues, etc, still make me tear up, thinking about the fact that they nor any other child will be a baby in this house, EVER AGAIN!

Oooooh, and how can I forget my Grandma, and how if you have a baby in the state of AZ, she will come sit in your hospital room for HOURS, just holding the baby so that you can sleep, watch TV, eat, whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that the procedure will improve my quality of life, or at least I hope, but it doesn't go unnoticed that these are the last of my precious babies!


Claire said...

It totally makes sense that you would be thinking about all these feelings right now! It is a big life change!!! Hang in there, the immense benefit is on its way!

BTW - WHO are all these pregnant people?!? Because I don't know a single other person who is pregnant right now, and it is driving me CRAZY!

Anonymous said...

You hit on just about all those reasons it has been hard for me to let go of the possibility of #3. The main pro is so intangible - just wanting a baby and adding to the family. The kids would probably love it. Then I remember the being pregnant, up all night, bed rest, feeding a baby every 2 hours and sooner most of the time, starting solids, WASHING all the cute clothes (twice sometimes to get out stains) and could you imagine throwing in 2 or more naps with 2 kids in school, AAAAHHH!!!. Who knows what it would do to the dynamic between my 2. They are such a team right now. I feel like a 3rd would be a 3rd wheel for them. I did have a sad thought last night that Sarah is getting closer and closer to the age where she won't want us to read her stories at night. :(

As you can tell I'm just about ready to sign up for the 2 kids only team.

PS I totally tear up over them all the time. Did so looking at Will's preschool pics because he's getting so big.

PPS What were you doing up at 4am???

Katie Thomson said...

Don't you just love GG?

Karen said...

I was going to write a post about this (kind of). Like after I had Lillian it reminded me of that moment in Finding Nemo where Dori, after running into Nemo when he escapes at the end, suddenly remembers everything all at once. I know that sounds stupid, but I kind of had the next year flash before my eyes of everything I'd be going through ... as though I had up until that moment completely forgotten. I don't know if that makes sense, but I do know what you mean.

Carrie said...

there really is nothing like the smell of a new baby. But, sleep is really nice too! :)