What the Nurse/Doctor Means. . .

when (s)he says:

"You will be able to run a marathon the next day!" TRANSLATION: After the excruciating pain that you will endure for 6-8 hours after the procedure, you should wake up the next morning and tend to your two children, just like always, almost just as though you gave birth!

"Don't do any housework for 4 weeks!" TRANSLATION: As long as your husband and daughter don't come down with swine flu, you should get a good amount of rest and relaxation. If they do get swine flu, pick up and carry on as though you never had a painful procedure, and a procedure in which it is important NOT to stretch the bladder muscles.

"You won't throw up more than three hours after the anesthesia!" TRANSLATION: BULL SHIT!

I can't think of anything else that is funny. This is so not funny to me. Pat has told me that I am not a silver lining person. He is wrong! I do see the silver lining, the kids are able to get the treatment they need to get better, the friends and family have come out of the woodwork, I got to spend Thanksgiving in my pajamas which are my favorite thing, I learned that the surgery may have worked because I now know that I can throw up without peeing myself, and there are many others. I do see the silver lining, and I know that it is there, but not for one second does that stop the tears from falling! Pat and I have FAILED miserably this weekend to work as a team, it makes me sad, but really I don't know how else to do it. I just had surgery. I am supposed to be lying in bed. Nothing went according to my plan, and anyone who knows me, knows that I hate when that happens!